Thursday Thirteen

So I hear my buddy Turnbaby is feeling poorly and under the weather. To help her feel better, I've listed 13 terrific quotes from one of our favorite movies, Raising Arizona. I hope this cheers her up. Enjoy, Turn-a-roo...feel better soon!!! HSGR!!!

(P.S. Only 13 quotes are listed here...there are MANY others. If you've never seen this film, RUN (don't walk) to Netflix or Blockbuster. It's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen!)

#1
Ed McDonnough: [Sobbing] Turn to the right.
H.I.: What's the matter, Ed?
Ed McDonnough: My "fy-ance" left me.
H.I.: [Narrating] She said her fiancee had run off with a student cosmetologist, who knew how to ply her feminine wiles.
H.I.: [Out loud] That sumbitch. You tell him, I think he's a damn fool, Ed. You tell him I said so - H.I. McDonnough. If he wants to discuss it, he knows where to find me: in the Maricopa County Maximum Security Correctional Facility For Men State Farm, Road Number 31, Tempe, Arizona! I'LL BE WAITIN'! I'll be waitin'.

#2
H.I.: What kind of name is Ed for a pretty thing like you?
Ed McDonnough: Short for Edwina. Turn to the right.
H.I.: You're a flower, you are. Just a little desert flower.

#3
[an old convict and H.I. lying on their prison bunks, passing the time]
Ear-Bending Cellmate: ...and when there was no meat, we ate fowl and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.
H.I.: You ate what?
Ear-Bending Cellmate: We ate sand.
[pause]
H.I.: You ate SAND?
Ear-Bending Cellmate: That's right!

#4
H.I.: Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.

#5
Parole Board chairman: They've got a name for people like you H.I. That name is called "recidivism."
Parole Board member: Repeat offender!
Parole Board chairman: Not a pretty name, is it H.I.?
H.I.: No, sir. That's one bonehead name, but that ain't me any more.
Parole Board chairman: You're not just telling us what we want to hear?
H.I.: No, sir, no way.
Parole Board member: 'Cause we just want to hear the truth.
H.I.: Well, then I guess I am telling you what you want to hear.
Parole Board chairman: Boy, didn't we just tell you not to do that?
H.I.: Yes, sir.
Parole Board chairman: Okay, then.

#6
Dot: I'm sure you have the life insurance squared away?
Ed McDonnough: Have we done that honey? We gotta do that honey!
Dot: You gotta do that HI! Ed's got her hands full with this little angel.
H.I.: Yes, ma'am.
Dot: What would Ed and little angel do if a truck came along and splattered your brains all over the interstate?
Ed McDonnough: Yeah honey! What if you get run over?
Dot: Or carried off by a twister?

#7
Dot: [GASPS after seeing Nathan Jr] What's his name?
Ed McDonnough: Uh... Hi... Hi Junior, till we think of a better one.
Dot: Why don't ya call him Jason? l just love biblical names. If I had another little boy, I'd name him Jason, Caleb or Tab.
[GASPS; covers her face with her hands and looks through her fingers]
Dot: He's an angel! He's an angel straight from heaven! Now honey, I had all my kids the hard way. Tell me how you got this little angel. Did he fly straight down from heaven?

#8
Ed McDonnough: You mean you busted out of jail.
Evelle: No, ma'am. We released ourselves on our own recognizance.
Gale: What my brother here means to say is that we felt that the institution no longer had anything to offer us.

#9
Nathan Arizona Sr.: If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass a- hoppin'. Look, it is exactly 8:45 in the PM. I'll be down at that store in exactly 12 hours to kick me some butt. Or my name ain't Nathan Arizona!

#10
Policeman in Arizona house: What did the pyjamas look like?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: I don't know - they were jammies! They had Yodas'n shit on 'em!

#11
Leonard Smalls: Name's Smalls. Leonard Smalls. My friends call me Lenny... only I ain't got no friends.

#12
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Eight hundred leaf-tables and no chairs? You can't sell leaf-tables and no chairs. Chairs, you got a dinette set. No chairs, you got dick!

#13
FBI Agent: Sir, we discovered you were born Nathan Huffheins.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Yeah, I changed my name. What of it?
FBI Agent: Can you give us an indication why?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Would you shop at a store called Unpainted Huffheins?

Happy Thursday!!!