Monday, April 30, 2007

Friday, April 27, 2007

Friday - The Questions are Finally Answered

Almost two weeks ago, I decided to jump into the 'INTERVIEW MEME' fray. My buddy Turnbaby gave me the following five questions and I'm finally getting around to posting the answers (sorry it took me so long, Turn!!!). Here goes:

1. What's the most shocking thing you have done and why do you feel it was 'shocking'?

Turnbaby...I have to confess. You asked me this before and I'm sticking with my original answer. I guess I've done a lot of crazy things in my life, but the most shocking thing I've ever done (IMHO) was to hop on plane last August (in the middle of a family vacation, no less) and fly to Birmingham to see Taylor Hicks and all the Soul Patrol peeps that I'd met on-line during the AI season. My whole family thought I was cracked in the head fer sure! Frankly, my life would NEVER have been the same if I hadn't done all make me smile EVERY DAY and I'm a much better person for knowing each and every one of you!!!

2. How did you and 'Guido' meet?

I love to tell this story. 'Guido' did some freelance work for my brother-in-law. I had recently separated from DH #1. My sister was having a gathering at her house one evening and the Redskins were playing the Giants. Everyone present was a Redskins fan except for ONE person...that ONE person was 'Guido'. He was rubbing it in every time the Giants made a good play and rubbed even harder when the Redskins were foiled. I went into the kitchen to get a beer and asked my sister "Who is that a**hole?" Figured (and secretly hoped) I'd never see him again. Fate stepped in...

Fast forward about a year to Super Bowl XXII (Redskins vs. Broncos). Another big party and we find ourselves sitting beside each other at the bar. We had a civil conversation and that was that.

Fast forward three months later. I having a drink with my girlfriends and 'Guido' walks into the bar and sits down beside me. We start chatting and find out that we have a mutual respect for surf fishing on the outer banks of North Carolina. I finish my drink and then head home. Two nights later he calls me for a date. The rest is history.

3. What in the hell is a "Hoochie"?

Random House and Urban Dictionary have their own derogatory definitions, but I prefer to subscribe to the kinder, gentler version. A hoochie is someone who knows what she wants, goes out, and gets it. A hoochie doesn't stand by and let people walk all over her. A hoochie knows how and when to have a good time. In the same light, a hoochie knows how and when to reel it in. Above all, a hoochie shows respect and admiration for her fellow hoochies and will go to any length to help and protect them. Let me just say for the record that I'm proud to be a hoochie.

4. Why do Italians call marinara sauce gravy?

OK, here's how my late mother-in-law explained it to me: There's 'sauce' and there's 'gravy'. Sauce is usually a mixture of tomatoes, spices, garlic, and olive oil - no meat. It's quick and easy to make - cook it 20 minutes with the lid on and 20 minutes with the lid off and you have marinara. Gravy, on the other hand, is a sauce with meat that you cook all day on Sunday and use the leftovers during the week. Hence the name 'Sunday Gravy'. It usually has meatballs made of ground beef and veal and Italian sausage and is served over a big plate of pasta at Sunday dinner. And may I tell you all a secret she taught me? Whatever kind you choose to make, use the 'segreto' (secret) method before serving. After boiling and draining the pasta, add a little sauce or gravy to the pasta to keep it from sticking.

5. What's the largest number of people you have crammed into a car?

In high school, one of my good friends drove an old Ford Falcon that his parents had given him as a 16th birthday present. I was a varsity cheerleader and our gang decided to go to 'town' after the football game and get some pizza. My buddy (who is now a high $$$ senior partner in a nationally-known law firm) had found someone to buy us beer (Miller pony bottles). We loaded the trunk with our libations and proceeded to stuff 10 people (9 of them were cheerleaders) into that Falcon and head to the big city. The Falcon was never the same, and I had a crook in my neck for weeks!! Sadly, the Falcon was involved in a single car accident with an 8-point buck a short time later. From that day forward, both the Falcon and the buck always held a special place in our hearts.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Thursday Thirteen

Dixie...this one's just for you...

Thirteen Expressions for Women on High Stress Days

1. You - off my planet.

2. Not the brightest crayon in the box, now are we?

3. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

4. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be?

5. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

6. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

7. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

8. Allow me to introduce myselves.

9. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

10. I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.

11. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

12. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my job is done here.

13. Earth is full. Go home.

Happy Thursday, everyone!!!! Now BACK TO WORK!!!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Manic Monday - the word is "SUN"

I'm in the midst of grading papers and writing exams, but I couldn't pass this one's only a photo and a caption, but somehow it really works for me today:

This meme is courtesy of Morgen at It's a Blog Eat Blog World...check it out!!

Friday, April 20, 2007

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Manic Monday...the word is "TAX"

In honor of today's meme (courtesy of Morgen at It's a Blog Eat Blog World), here's an actual letter to the IRS...

Dear Sirs:
I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal Tax return. Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years. They are evil and expensive.

It's only fair, since they are minors and not my responsibility, that the government (who evidently is taxing me more to care for these waifs) knows something about them and what to expect over the next year. You may apply next year to reassign them to me and reinstate the deduction. This year they are yours!

The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant. Ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office where she can answer people's questions about their returns. While she has no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper her knowledge of any other subject you can name. Taxes should be a breeze.

Next year she is going to college. I think it's wonderful that you will now be responsible for that little expense. While you mull that over, keep in mind that she has a truck. It doesn't run at the moment so you have the immediate decision of appropriating some Department of Defense funds to fix the vehicle or getting up early to drive her to school.

Kristen also has a boyfriend. Oh joy. While she possesses all of the wisdom of the universe, her alleged mother and I have felt it best to occasionally remind her of the virtues of abstinence, and in the face of overwhelming passion, safe sex. This is always uncomfortable and I am quite relieved you will be handling this in the future. May I suggest that you reinstate Jocelyn Elders who had a rather good handle on the problem.

Patrick is 14. I've had my suspicions about this one. His eyes are a little close together for normal people. He may be a tax examiner himself one day if you do not incarcerate him first. In February, I was awakened at three in the morning by a police officer who was bringing Pat home. He and his friends were TP'ing houses. In the future would you like him delivered to the local IRS office or to Ogden, UT? Kids at 14 will do almost anything on a dare. His hair is purple. Permanent dye, temporary dye, what's the big deal? Learn to deal with it. You'll have plenty of time as he is sitting out a few days of school after instigating a food fight. I'll take care of filing your phone number with the vice principal. Oh yes, he and all of his friends have raging hormones. This is the house of testosterone and it will be much more peaceful when he lives in your home. DO NOT leave any of them unsupervised with girls, explosives, inflammables, inflatables, vehicles, or telephones. (I'm sure that you will find telephones a source of unimaginable amusement, and be sure to lock out the 900 and 976 numbers!)

Heather is an alien. She slid through a time warp and appeared quite by magic one year. I'm sure this one is yours. She is 10 going on 21. She came from a bad trip in the sixties. She wears tie-dyed clothes, beads, sandals, and hair that looks like Tiny Tim's. Fortunately you will be raising my taxes to help offset the pinch of her remedial reading courses. Hooked on Phonics is expensive so the schools dropped it. Good news! You can buy it yourself for half the amount of the deduction that you are denying!

It's quite obvious that we were terrible parents (ask the other two) so they have helped raise this one to a new level of terror. She cannot speak English. Most people under twenty understand the curious patois she fashioned out of valley girls/boys in the odd / reggae yuppie / political doublespeak. I don't. The school sends her to a speech pathologist who has her roll her R's. It added a refreshing Mexican / Irish touch to her voice. She wears hats backwards, pants baggy and wants one of her ears pierced four more times. There is a fascination with tattoos that worries me but I am sure that you can handle it. Bring a truck when you come to get her, she sort of "nests" in her room and I think that it would be easier to move the entire thing than find out what it is really made of.

You denied two of the three exemptions so it is only fair you get to pick which two you will take. I prefer that you take the youngest, I still go bankrupt with Kristen's college but then I am free! If you take the two oldest then I still have time for counseling before Heather becomes a teenager. If you take the two girls then I won't feel so bad about putting Patrick in a military academy. Please let me know of your decision as soon as possible as I have already increased the withholding on my W-4 to cover the $395 in additional tax and made a down payment on an airplane.

Name withheld to protect the innocent

About pumpkins and bunny ears...

The story of Reedville, Virginia is linked to the commercial fishing industry that developed here in the late 19th century. In 1874 Elijah Reed transferred his menhaden fishing operation from Brooklin, Maine to the Chesapeake Bay. He purchased the land on Cockrell's Creek that is now Reedville. The industry flourished, especially in the early part of the 20th century. Today Reedville is one of the major ports for the landing of commercial fish in the United States, second only to Kodiak, Alaska.

For the inquisitive, Reedville is a fishing village located at the far eastern end of Virginia's Northern Neck, population around 300. It is located in Northumberland County, which has about 11,000 residents and no stop lights. Reedville is named for Captain Elijah Reed, who founded the town in 1874 when he started the menhaden fishing industry, which is still going today.

It features historic Victorian mansions built by factory owners and fishing boat captains. Main Street was known as "Millionaire's Row," home to wealthy fishermen who made their fortunes from the menhaden that was plentiful in the Potomac and Chesapeake Bay. Captain Albert Morris and his wife built this three story Queen Anne styled Victorian house in 1895. It is one of the centerpieces of Reedville architecture. For instance, it is featured by the Reedville Museum in the Christmas lighting season. It is now a bed and breakfast. The elegant lower floor features "a tiled entrance hall and formal living and dining rooms that typify the wealth of the late 19th and early 20th century" industralist/entrepreneur. Captain Morris, along with his brother-in-law James Fisher, owned and operated the Morris-Fisher Menhaden Factory. Captain Morris died in 1903 and was buried in the Roselawn Cemetery on the outskirts of the town of Reedville. His monument has become a magnet for pranksters during each and every holiday that comes down the pike. This author, whose family recently purchased a home in the little town of Reedville, witnessed the bunny ears and cotton tail as Captain Morris' Easter finery. At Halloween, the pumpkin appears on his head as if by magic. Let's see...Earth Day is April 22nd...I wonder what the spirits have planned for him then??? I'll take more photographs as the year progresses to see what's in store for the late Captain Morris, bless his soul. I wonder if he finds the same humor in this as most of the residents of Reedville??? I guess with a population of only 300 and no stop-lights, the adornment of Captain Morris is a true celebration!!!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Friday, April 6, 2007

Happy Friday!!!!!

In response to Miss Turnbaby's tag, I'm posting my six word story (and I've included my storyboard, too!).

I think
I'm finally
catching up...